The Inheritance of Loss

My book club met this evening to discuss Kirin Desai’s The Inheritance of Loss, which won the Booker Prize last year. The discussion was rich as we tackled the complexity of this novel over a delicious Indian dinner.
One passage about a young Indian man living as an expatriate in New York and contemplating returning to India, grabbed my attention: “they returned and found they’d missed the entire last quarter of a lifetime, their parents like photograph negatives. After the initial excitement was over, it often became obvious that the love was gone; for affection was only a habit after all, and people, they forgot, or they became accustomed to its absence.”

The subject of this passage has been on my mind recently, as I am preparing to be abroad for a full nine months, away from the familiarity and affection of friends and family. Last year, after graduating from Smith, I went overseas to work in East Africa and stayed there for 7 months. When I returned, my experience was similar to the description in the passage… While my friends and family were excited to have me back at home, there was a palpable disconnection. I had been away for a while and had gone through a life-changing experience. I had so much I wanted to share, but what I really wanted others to understand that was not relatable through words, stories, and pictures. Also, life did not stop for others while I was gone. They had changed and grown and had intense life-experiences—too much to casually discuss over dinner. And keeping in touch by email during my months away only captured so much… There was so much missed on both ends. Recently, I find myself pondering this difficult transition experience of last year. Perhaps I am lucky that I have already gone through this once, and this time, I am more prepared to manage the challenge of time and distance…

Mediation and Facilitation Training

Ericka Gray, a highly experienced trainer and mediator and one of Insight Partner’s external consultants, generously agreed to come in for a training/coaching session this morning. She started the session by going over the nuts and bolts of preparing for facilitation versus preparing for a training session. When preparing for a training session, the content is generally the same, so the bulk of the preparation is working to understand the context, usually by conducting preliminary interviews. However, a facilitation is about structuring a process to allow for productive dialogue. Thus, the preparation work revolves around a deliberate and conscientious crafting of the process, which involves understanding who is going to be in the room, what people’s roles will be, structuring an agenda, etc.

The basic gist is that both require lots of preparation, so then Ericka decided to throw us into a blind facilitation exercise where we had zero preparation. The premise of the exercise was simple: one of us left the room, the others conspired together and came up with various difficult tactics to deploy, and then the initial person re-entered and attempted to facilitate a very brief discussion. The exercise was difficult, especially because we were rather tough on each other and used vicious difficult tactics like challenging the facilitator’s age, gender, authority, knowledge, status, etc. Not only was it a great way for us to practice managing difficult groups and to become more aware of what we have to work on, but it was also a lot of fun—especially because we took light revenge on each other as we each had a turn to role play as a difficult participant and as a facilitator.

We had a remarkable visitor during the course of our 3-hour session… This magnificent red-tailed hawk came and sat on the window ledge outside the conference room and was kind enough to pose for some pictures. Hopefully it will also return for a visit when Ericka comes back for a follow-up session next week!

Golden Gate Park

This morning I had a bit of time to do some sightseeing in San Francisco. My mother grew up here, but I haven’t been to the Bay Area in years, so it was really nice to get a chance to enjoy the city a bit. As per my grandmother’s recommendation, I went to the new De Young Museum and then had a lovely stroll in the Japanese Tea Gardens.

San Francisco

I am in San Francisco this week with Insight CEO, Patrick, to observe a couple of Insight training sessions with Merrill Lynch. We had one session this afternoon and there is another one tomorrow morning. This evening, former Insight Fellow, Jared Leiderman, joined us downtown for dinner. It was the first time he and Patrick had seen each other in a while and it was nice to see the rapport and camaraderie they had forged throughout the Fellowship year. Jared told some great stories from his experiences and also delved a bit into the subject of his final research paper. He explained how he narrowed his interests and how his experiences abroad made him focus on the subject of using the tools of conflict management to help NGOs maximize their impact or social profit. In addition, it was interesting to hear how Jared intends to transform this year’s research into a longer-term project to actually create a handbook for NGOs on the subject. His experience and perspective are certainly informing my thoughts as I formulate my research theme for the year and begin to think about trying to craft a meaningful contribution to the field of conflict management.

Stop Trying to "Save" Africa

From the Washington Post
Sunday, July 15, 2007; Page B07
by Uzodinma Iweala

Stop Trying to "Save" Africa

Last fall, shortly after I returned from Nigeria, I was accosted by a perky blond college student whose blue eyes seemed to match the "African" beads around her wrists.

"Save Darfur!" she shouted from behind a table covered with pamphlets urging students to TAKE ACTION NOW! STOP GENOCIDE IN DARFUR!

My aversion to college kids jumping onto fashionable social causes nearly caused me to walk on, but her next shout stopped me.

"Don't you want to help us save Africa?" she yelled.

It seems that these days, wracked by guilt at the humanitarian crisis it has created in the Middle East, the West has turned to Africa for redemption. Idealistic college students, celebrities such as Bob Geldof and politicians such as Tony Blair have all made bringing light to the dark continent their mission. They fly in for internships and fact-finding missions or to pick out children to adopt in much the same way my friends and I in New York take the subway to the pound to adopt stray dogs.

This is the West's new image of itself: a sexy, politically active generation whose preferred means of spreading the word are magazine spreads with celebrities pictured in the foreground, forlorn Africans in the back. Never mind that the stars sent to bring succor to the natives often are, willingly, as emaciated as those they want to help.

Perhaps most interesting is the language used to describe the Africa being saved. For example, the Keep a Child Alive/" I am African" ad campaign features portraits of primarily white, Western celebrities with painted "tribal markings" on their faces above "I AM AFRICAN" in bold letters. Below, smaller print says, "help us stop the dying."

Such campaigns, however well intentioned, promote the stereotype of Africa as a black hole of disease and death. News reports constantly focus on the continent's corrupt leaders, warlords, "tribal" conflicts, child laborers, and women disfigured by abuse and genital mutilation. These descriptions run under headlines like "Can Bono Save Africa?" or "Will Brangelina Save Africa?" The relationship between the West and Africa is no longer based on openly racist beliefs, but such articles are reminiscent of reports from the heyday of European colonialism, when missionaries were sent to Africa to introduce us to education, Jesus Christ and "civilization."

There is no African, myself included, who does not appreciate the help of the wider world, but we do question whether aid is genuine or given in the spirit of affirming one's cultural superiority. My mood is dampened every time I attend a benefit whose host runs through a litany of African disasters before presenting a (usually) wealthy, white person, who often proceeds to list the things he or she has done for the poor, starving Africans. Every time a well-meaning college student speaks of villagers dancing because they were so grateful for her help, I cringe. Every time a Hollywood director shoots a film about Africa that features a Western protagonist, I shake my head -- because Africans, real people though we may be, are used as props in the West's fantasy of itself. And not only do such depictions tend to ignore the West's prominent role in creating many of the unfortunate situations on the continent, they also ignore the incredible work Africans have done and continue to do to fix those problems.

Why do the media frequently refer to African countries as having been "granted independence from their colonial masters," as opposed to having fought and shed blood for their freedom? Why do Angelina Jolie and Bono receive overwhelming attention for their work in Africa while Nwankwo Kanu or Dikembe Mutombo, Africans both, are hardly ever mentioned? How is it that a former mid-level U.S. diplomat receives more attention for his cowboy antics in Sudan than do the numerous African Union countries that have sent food and troops and spent countless hours trying to negotiate a settlement among all parties in that crisis?

Two years ago I worked in a camp for internally displaced people in Nigeria, survivors of an uprising that killed about 1,000 people and displaced 200,000. True to form, the Western media reported on the violence but not on the humanitarian work the state and local governments -- without much international help -- did for the survivors. Social workers spent their time and in many cases their own salaries to care for their compatriots. These are the people saving Africa, and others like them across the continent get no credit for their work.

Last month the Group of Eight industrialized nations and a host of celebrities met in Germany to discuss, among other things, how to save Africa. Before the next such summit, I hope people will realize Africa doesn't want to be saved. Africa wants the world to acknowledge that through fair partnerships with other members of the global community, we ourselves are capable of unprecedented growth.


Uzodinma Iweala is the author of "Beasts of No Nation," a novel about child soldiers.

Hot Buttons at Target

After I got back from New York this afternoon, my roommate and I decided run some household errands. On the drive over to Target, she asked me about work and I tried to explain the coaching and skills training component of the Fellowship. I found that the best way to explain to her the kind of skills I was learning was to actually run one of the training exercises with her. I explained the inquiry/acknowledgement/advocacy division that is described in Difficult Conversations. The general premise is that in conversations and negotiations, most people spend the majority of the time simply advocating their thoughts and positions, without inquiring into or acknowledging the other party’s perspective. This is clearly an inefficient technique but it is our natural tendency. In order to counter it, we need to practice our inquiry skills (this sounds a lot easier that it actually is) and so the Hot Buttons exercise was born. During this exercise, one party advocates as usual and the other party can only use inquiry (by asking questions) or acknowledgement (by repeating or reframing the other person’s words to ensure that they are correctly understood). This exercise is most effective and provocative when the inquiring party feels very strongly about the subject of the conversation. For example, the inquiring party is firmly pro-choice so the advocating party must play the role of someone who is firmly pro-life. In my abridged coaching session with my roommate, we took the example of the recent controversy over Paris Hilton’s jail sentence. My roommate feels strongly that Paris Hilton should go to jail, so I adopted the stance that she should not go to jail. The debate was light-hearted and the conversation had little substance, but it was a great opportunity for me to try to explain these concepts and practice my coaching skills.

UN HQ

This afternoon I had a meeting with the UN Under-Secretary General for Peacekeeping Operations (in UN parlance: USG DPKO) at the United Nations in New York. Though it was my second time to the UN headquarters, I still felt awed. The building is grand and feels imbued with a rarified sense of history and significance. Or perhaps that was just me, projecting my awe onto Le Corbusier’s design.



As I waited in the lobby, most of the UN staff moved about routinely as they returned from their lunch hours, and I thought back to my time working at the UN International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda (ICTR) in Tanzania. I remember at first being impressed by the tribunal, the courtrooms, the judges’ robes and wigs, even my security ID badge. However, as time passed, what once felt impressive and official faded into comfortable familiarity. My thoughts wandered to my eventual placement at the International Criminal Court (ICC) and my anticipation to be back in that atmosphere. The next thing I knew, I was being escorted upstairs for my meeting.

The USG was interested by the Insight Fellowship Program and impressed by the opportunities it presents to young professionals interested in conflict management. We spoke about my experience at the ICTR and my future role at the ICC, and then specifically about my planned placements. He reinforced others’ recommendations concerning Lebanon, i.e., the security situation is highly unstable and it is not the right time to go. He also added a new dimension to my thinking by bringing up the fact that the conflict in the Middle East is so deep-rooted and complex that it’s almost not worth it to go there for only three months, especially if I do not plan on a long-term career with a Middle East focus. The problems in Lebanon are intricate and multi-layered: from tensions between various ethnic and religious groups, to managing the refugee crisis and Hezbollah, to internal political power struggles, to the relations with Syria and the greater Middle Eastern conflict, to overarching international geopolitical concerns. The issues are so dynamic that I may not be able to wrap my head around everything that’s going on there in such a short period of time and thus I risk feeling like I’m not making any kind of difference or contribution. He suggested that a more circumscribed conflict, such as the Balkans, Sri Lanka, or Timor-Leste could provide a more a productive and interesting setting in which to study and promote conflict management.

Generally the USG was very supportive of my work, which was very encouraging coming from such an experienced and influential figure in the field. He left me with a lot to think about regarding how I want to craft my year to maximize my learning experience as well as my impact.

The longest day ever

This afternoon, the other Fellows and I trekked to Cambridge for a lunch meeting at the Program on Negotiation (known as PON) at Harvard Law School. Everyone seemed very interested in the Fellowship and our work, and offered to let us use the resources of PON, which was incredibly generous and flattering, considering how important this organization is within the field of conflict management.


After lunch, we spent some time going through the PON library, in awe of the resources available there—I could literally spend the rest of summer curled up in one of their large armchairs, just reading all of the academic literature. However my back-to-school fantasy was cut short when we were recruited us to help out with the setup for the Harvard Negotiation Insight Initiative Summer Learning Forum (known as HNII SLF). HNII SLF is a unique workshop-style conference that brings together practitioners from around the world and seeks to integrate the field of conflict management with the mindfulness of great wisdom traditions.

I helped out for most of the afternoon, but had to cut my volunteer time a little short as I rushed to my first Arabic class. Within the first five minutes of the class, I had come down from my Harvard high. The instructor moved at light speed and left the other two students and me consternated. I somehow managed to transform the beautiful Arabic script into the scrawl of an unusually talented chicken. I felt confused and defeated as I looked down on my notes and I left the class questioning whether or not I should continue with it at all. I rushed home to grab a bite to eat and prepare for a phone meeting with a representative of an organization in Thailand. At that point, I had been going non-stop for 12 hours and was exhausted.

However, the conversation went very well and I was reinvigorated with a sense of purpose as the possibility of a placement with the organization firmed up. Even though today felt like the longest day of my life, I went to bed with the feeling of immense satisfaction and fulfillment that only comes from a busy day of hard work and productivity.

The Life Experience Wish List

This week I was struck by the need for a little nourishment for my soul. The solution dawned on me yesterday when I realized it was the opening weekend at Tanglewood, the summer home of the Boston Symphony Orchestra. After failing to convince some friends to make the drive across state to the Berkshires, I called the only people I knew who would definitely want to partake in a day of classical relaxation at the symphony: my parents.

We attended the morning rehearsal, which gave us the enjoyment of a concert but with some additional insight into the performance, as the conductor regularly paused to comment and make adjustments. We then went over to a little country inn and had lunch in a small garden. Sitting in the shade of ancient maples and tall pines, I had a long conversation with my parents about the Fellowship and shared with them some of the challenges I am currently facing. In particular, I discussed my struggle with putting together the life experience wish list.

My parents seemed to understand why this little task felt so daunting to me. I have never thought specifically about the life experiences I’d like to have (somehow “travel around the world” and “learn lots of languages” doesn’t seem precise enough), so I have never prioritized them. I suppose part of my struggle with this task is that I don’t want to feel limited and that I consider this type of list to be a work in progress. However, asking my parents what their favorite life experiences had been helped me think of it in a different way. We broke down my ideas into specific experiences and then into three categories: travel, skills, and adventure experiences. Under the travel experiences, I’ve included seeing the cherry blossoms in Japan, going to Mali’s music Festival in the Desert, the World Cup in South Africa in 2010, and the international kite festival in India, which I missed by just two days when I traveled in India in January. In the skills category, I listed SCUBA diving and piano playing. And finally, in the nebulous adventure category, I included skydiving and space travel—seriously, I’ve always dreamt of orbiting the Earth from space and hopefully, affordable space tourism will be possible in my lifetime thanks to companies like Virgin Galactic.

When I got back to Boston at the end of the afternoon, I worked on further developing my list and now feel satisfied with how it is shaping up, though I still believe that it will be a life-long project.

Glass half full... of poison

I arrived in the office this morning in the now familiar state feeling of overwhelmed and exhausted. As the weeks go on, the list of tasks only seems to be growing and no matter how many items I cross off my to do list, twice that number reappear by the end of the day. It’s also really challenging to prioritize between all the tasks, from fundraising to placements to skills training to basic logistics and budgeting… plus journal writing! However, a lunch meeting in the Common with David helped put things into perspective. As we sat in the grass under the leafy chestnut trees, David went off on a bit of a fundraising brainstorming soliloquy. He also encouraged our fundraising efforts and lauded us for working as a team to tackle this challenge. His ‘can do’ attitude threw me off a bit since I was in a bit of a ‘glass half empty/ glass half full of poison’ mood today. My fellow Fellows and I then spent a chunk of the afternoon breaking down the various tasks for the grant application process and creating a timeline for our fundraising efforts. Thanks to those meetings, I left the office feeling much more supported which heartened and motivated me for what I know is a lot of work ahead.