The Life Experience Wish List

This week I was struck by the need for a little nourishment for my soul. The solution dawned on me yesterday when I realized it was the opening weekend at Tanglewood, the summer home of the Boston Symphony Orchestra. After failing to convince some friends to make the drive across state to the Berkshires, I called the only people I knew who would definitely want to partake in a day of classical relaxation at the symphony: my parents.

We attended the morning rehearsal, which gave us the enjoyment of a concert but with some additional insight into the performance, as the conductor regularly paused to comment and make adjustments. We then went over to a little country inn and had lunch in a small garden. Sitting in the shade of ancient maples and tall pines, I had a long conversation with my parents about the Fellowship and shared with them some of the challenges I am currently facing. In particular, I discussed my struggle with putting together the life experience wish list.

My parents seemed to understand why this little task felt so daunting to me. I have never thought specifically about the life experiences I’d like to have (somehow “travel around the world” and “learn lots of languages” doesn’t seem precise enough), so I have never prioritized them. I suppose part of my struggle with this task is that I don’t want to feel limited and that I consider this type of list to be a work in progress. However, asking my parents what their favorite life experiences had been helped me think of it in a different way. We broke down my ideas into specific experiences and then into three categories: travel, skills, and adventure experiences. Under the travel experiences, I’ve included seeing the cherry blossoms in Japan, going to Mali’s music Festival in the Desert, the World Cup in South Africa in 2010, and the international kite festival in India, which I missed by just two days when I traveled in India in January. In the skills category, I listed SCUBA diving and piano playing. And finally, in the nebulous adventure category, I included skydiving and space travel—seriously, I’ve always dreamt of orbiting the Earth from space and hopefully, affordable space tourism will be possible in my lifetime thanks to companies like Virgin Galactic.

When I got back to Boston at the end of the afternoon, I worked on further developing my list and now feel satisfied with how it is shaping up, though I still believe that it will be a life-long project.

Glass half full... of poison

I arrived in the office this morning in the now familiar state feeling of overwhelmed and exhausted. As the weeks go on, the list of tasks only seems to be growing and no matter how many items I cross off my to do list, twice that number reappear by the end of the day. It’s also really challenging to prioritize between all the tasks, from fundraising to placements to skills training to basic logistics and budgeting… plus journal writing! However, a lunch meeting in the Common with David helped put things into perspective. As we sat in the grass under the leafy chestnut trees, David went off on a bit of a fundraising brainstorming soliloquy. He also encouraged our fundraising efforts and lauded us for working as a team to tackle this challenge. His ‘can do’ attitude threw me off a bit since I was in a bit of a ‘glass half empty/ glass half full of poison’ mood today. My fellow Fellows and I then spent a chunk of the afternoon breaking down the various tasks for the grant application process and creating a timeline for our fundraising efforts. Thanks to those meetings, I left the office feeling much more supported which heartened and motivated me for what I know is a lot of work ahead.

We put the "fun" in fundraising

This afternoon Rebecca, Seisei and I returned to the Associated Grant Makers (AGM) office to begin our research on fundraising through grants. Since the sustainability of the fellowship rests in large part on our ability to “refill the pot,” the grant application process is a crucial component of our work this summer, as well as one of the most overwhelming. The past Fellows did not see success in their grant request efforts, making our task all the more daunting. However the three of us are very motivated to get this process started and to see it through. Grants are the most competitive and time-consuming ways to fundraise, but they also have the highest payoff—one grant can potentially cover all of us.

We met with and received some advice and guidance from one of the librarians at AGM, and we divided the task and began our research. After a couple of hours, we pulled together an impressive list of nearly 200 potential sources for grants. It’s unclear how many are solid matches with true potential but at this point we’re casting a wide net, because you never know what you’re going to catch.

Independence Day

The dreary rain this evening cannot dampen my joyful mood because I can finally walk up stairs! I still need my crutches to walk, but I can finally put enough weight on my right foot that I can walk, rather than crawl or jump, up the five flights of stairs to my apartment… and I’ve only been in physical therapy for a week! As I gathered with some friends on my roof deck and watched the amazing fireworks display over the river, all I could think is that today is truly a day of independence.

To Lebanon or Not to Lebanon?

This morning I received an email from a family friend and mentor who is a senior European diplomat. As the former ambassador of her country to Lebanon, she is one of my principle contacts regarding my planned placement there. Unfortunately, she believes that the political situation in Lebanon is deteriorating rapidly, as the September presidential elections approach, and that the security situation is worsening as well. She firmly believes that the timing is simply wrong. I was not tremendously shocked at her assessment, but was saddened and disappointed to hear her dire predictions, both for myself and for the Lebanese people. While I will wait to get more information from her and other contacts before making a final decision, I fear that this placement is doomed. It is particularly disappointing because I feel very strongly about going to work in the Middle East and reconnecting with part of my family’s history and heritage.

This afternoon, David Seibel, Insight President, and I had our usual meeting during which we check in on any immediate issues, placement plans and progress, fundraising, research themes, general logistics, skills and coaching etc. I raised the subject of Lebanon and asked for his thoughts. Of course, rather than giving me a straight answer, he turned the question around to me. I expressed that my logic for going in the fall is that the period around the elections could be a very exciting time for me to be in Lebanon. Even if something happens while I am on the ground, the likelihood of something happening directly to me is very small. If I decide not to go and nothing bad happens, I will very much regret not being there to experience it. However, the overarching security concerns remain: even if I am unharmed, I may be unable to continue working effectively in such an unstable environment, which seems to defeat the purpose of being there at all.

David and I brainstormed a little bit on some other options such as changing the order of my placements. Instead of beginning in Lebanon, I can postpone that placement until the spring—this way I can continue to monitor the situation and formulate some backup plans just in case. Additionally, David suggested that if I still feel very strongly about going, I can create a “mini-placement” and go for just a couple of weeks, like a journalist on assignment. Both options are appealing, so I will have to keep them in mind as I continue to think about this issue.

Cape Cod and Impromptu Training

For the first time since starting the fellowship, I had the chance to get out of the city this weekend and went down to Cape Cod with a friend from college. We spent Saturday afternoon on the beach, an activity that acquired a new layer of complexity thanks to my crutches (I still have sand in them). In the evening, we went out for a seafood dinner and indulged in some shameless tourism.

After an extremely busy week, this little getaway was exactly what I needed. In addition, the kitschy Americana that is characteristic of the Cape put me in the mood for the upcoming 4th of July festivities.

On Sunday evening, Rebecca and I met up with Jared, one of the 2006-07 Insight Fellows. He just finished his fellowship year and stopped through Boston on his way back from his final placement in Jordan. It was great to meet him and to get a chance to pick his brains about the fellowship. He talked about some of his best experiences, such as gorilla tracking in Uganda, some of the challenges, like trying to apply to graduate school while abroad, and some of his personal development, including his improved family relationships.

Jared then turned around what had become a Q&A session and began quizzing me and Rebecca about our thoughts thus far and our hopes and fears for the upcoming time abroad. He was a great listener and repeatedly acknowledged our opinions—a skill on which I called him out. He laughed and our chat evolved into what can only be described as a mini-coaching session. He tested us on some of our theoretical knowledge (what are the four P’s? what goes into the circle of value?) and shared what he thought were the most practical tools.

The hours we spent together were fun and invigorated me with a new perspective on the year ahead—perhaps a more accurate perspective since it came from someone who just completed the Fellowship. I only hope that I can emerge from this experience with the same ease with the skills and theory and the same eloquent insight as Jared seems to have gained.

Negotiation Role Play

I finally had an appointment with orthopedist today to have a look at my ankle. He was unimpressed with my healing and prescribed 6 weeks of physical therapy. I was devastated by the news, which promised several more weeks on crutches and a prolonged healing process.

However, after the morning bad news, the day got significantly better when Seisei, one of the other Fellows, gave a lunch presentation. Instead of giving a formal presentation on the week’s reading assignment, the classic Getting to Yes, she gathered myself, Rebecca, and Jeff, an Insight summer intern, and proposed that we use the time as a training session. We all thought it was a great idea and decided to do a negotiation role-play.

We brainstormed some everyday scenarios and decided to do a simple ‘problem roommate’ situation. Rebecca played the difficult roommate and I played the one who was trying to engage her and negotiate on a variety of issues. She played her role very well and was quite difficult to negotiate with, but I persisted and tried to apply all of the new skills I am learning: discussing interests rather than positions, asking questions to understand her opinion, acknowledging and rephrasing her perspective, and brainstorming for creative solutions and ways to “expand the pie.”

After several minutes of negotiation, Seisei stopped us and she and Jeff gave us some feedback and pointers. All in all, it was a hugely helpful exercise, as well as a lot of fun. Since the Insight partners and associates are working abroad so much this summer, I hope that we will have enough time this summer to continue using each other as resources in training and coaching.

Make it happen!

Patrick McWhinney, Insight’s co-founder and CEO, was unfortunately not around during the Finalist Weekend and we weren’t expecting him until next week, so it was a nice surprise when he popped into the office this morning. After introductions and mutual expressions of shock at each others’ existence, we all went out for lunch. It felt a little bit like the interview process all over again, but any nervousness quickly subsided. It was great to talk, bounce some ideas off of him and hear some of his thoughts and perspectives on the Fellowship. Patrick has such a contagious positive energy and his life motto seems to be “make it happen!”—which was encouraging to hear as we talked about some of the challenges we’re facing as we enter week 3 of the Fellowship.

The first weeks

My first week as an Insight Fellow was a blur of orientation meetings, office organization and logistics, setting up my apartment, and settling into life in Boston. It was a busy week of ‘idea lists,’ ‘wish lists,’ lots of preliminary research, and long lunch hours spent getting to know my colleagues.

And then the second week began and the initial honeymoon period waned. The real substantive work started, with my first group and individual coaching sessions, and an introductory fundraising meeting. It was exhausting but exhilarating, overwhelming but exciting. I dove right in, not quite knowing how well I could swim. I managed to keep my head above water and found a good pace, as I gradually realized how much I had to do over the summer. In just three months, I have to structure my fellowship year, secure placements abroad, kick off a serious fundraising drive, and learn a whole new skill set in negotiation, mediation, and effective communication.

That list represents just the first of the fellowship’s three main goals. Additionally, I have to make some humanitarian contribution to the community as well as pursue self-reflection and personal development. However, the pursuit of these other goals has been hindered because, of course, I managed to severely sprain my ankle the day before starting the fellowship. Being on crutches has put off most of the activities on my summer wish list, not to mention the basic challenge of mobility—it certainly does not help that I am living in a fifth floor walk-up apartment! It was a bit demoralizing at first, as though the first weeks of the fellowship were not challenging enough. I felt like Seabiscuit, a racehorse with, quite literally, an unfairly high handicap. However, my coworkers, roommates, friends, and fellow Fellows have been wonderfully supportive and patient. In fact, everyone, from strangers on the street to cab drivers, has been incredibly friendly and helpful. I am almost tempted to keep my crutches for a bit longer just so I can continue getting preferential treatment!

Also, another advantage of my limited mobility has been the time I have been able to spend with myself, reflecting on the past year and the year ahead, thinking about my personal and professional life goals, and beginning to focus on the personal development aspect of the fellowship. I have spent a lot of time on my roof deck, admiring the beautiful view of Boston, Cambridge, and the Charles River, while quietly absorbed in thought.

However, after two weeks, I am impatient to really get this summer started beyond my apartment and the office. I want to explore Boston, sail on the river, practice yoga, take chess lessons, start learning Arabic, go to museums etc… But I cannot force my recovery, because I need to be in good shape for this year. As Seisei (a fellow Fellow) said, I have used up all my bad luck for the fellowship year, so hopefully it should all be uphill from here!

The Insight Fellowship

Life following my return from India was quite busy and stressful. I got caught up in looking for a job, going to interviews, and endlessly networking, as well as working as a restaurant hostess and part-time in my father's office. Finally at the end of March, I somehow got my *dream* job: a 2007 Insight Fellowship :)

The Insight Fellowship is a year-long fellowship program sponsored by the Insight Collaborative, a non-profit mediation, training, and consulting firm. The program is designed for young professionals in the field of conflict management and its purpose is to study and promote effective conflict management, make international humanitarian contributions, and pursue personal development. The fellowship year is split up into four three-month long placements: one in Boston, one at the International Criminal Court in The Hague, and the other two are decided by the Fellows according to our interests and respective research themes (see below for a more official explanation). At this point, my year looks like this: summer in Boston, fall in The Hague, winter in Thailand and spring in Lebanon.

Over the course of the fellowship year, as part of the 'self-development' aspect of the fellowship, I will be posting weekly journals and pictures on the Insight website (as well as here on my personal blog) so you can follow my experiences of living and working abroad.

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Official explanation of the Fellowship:

The Insight Fellowship Program was created in 2005 to foster a community of global-minded individuals prepared to manage conflict effectively and contribute to their local, national, and international communities. The Insight philosophy is that the ability to make positive contributions is a function of the quality of one’s communication skills, capacity for empathy, and self-understanding. To promote these qualities, one-year Insight Fellowships are awarded to exceptional individuals to:

* Study and promote effective conflict management;
* Make international humanitarian contributions; and
* Pursue self-reflection and personal development.

The Fellowship includes a $25,000 USD expense allowance to support multiple placements totaling one year, typically in three to four month blocks.
The first three-month placement is at the Boston offices of Insight Collaborative and its affiliate, Insight Partners. During this tenure in Boston, Fellows advance their understanding of the theory and practice of effective negotiation, communication, and mediation; meet pivotal figures in the field; attend workshops; receive personalized coaching; and see first-hand how international conflict management professionals operate in the academic, non-profit, and for-profit sectors.

Fellows will spend one three-month placement at the International Criminal Court in The Hague, subject to the Court’s permission. The remaining two placements of the Fellowship are divided into foreign placements proposed by the Fellow.